Get a grip.

One of my post-holiday indulgences is to snuggle into a comfy chair in my room and read all the gossip magazine's that I've missed out on whilst being away (I know even if it's just been for a week). This time I had managed to forget how much some magazine's/writers put my back up. The majority of papers were showing various footballers weddings which were fine and as expected. However, some publications seemed to have completely lost the plot on weight issues and in fact just writing about it makes me pretty apoplectic.

You get five pages on 'Skinny Celebs'. This I can kind of understand - Amy Winehouse makes me worried now. If you see photo's of her during her first album she is so curvaceous and sexy. Now she looks like a snappable lollypop and there is nothing healthy or sexy about that (that ridiculous hair doesn't help - bring back the luxurious flowing curls). Showing these photo's of skinny stars may actually eventually shock people out of their crash dieting and eating disorders and seeing them being plastered all over the papers may say something to younger fans who may want to replicate them. But when you put these photo's next to ones of celebrities who have put on weight, circling their fat bits and writing ridiculous straplines about how fat they are is there any wonder that extreme dieting, anorexia and bulimia are rife? Now magazine was particularly offensive this time with Amy looking sticky next to a photo of Jessica Simpson taken from a ridiculous angle going on about how fat she had got. SHUT UP - having actually seen some of the people who work on these magazine's I can tell you there is a reason they are writing about people and not having their photo's taken themselves. All women know what it's like when you are slightly over your preferred weight. You usually feel 10 stone heavier than you are and it makes you unhappy - how would you feel if unflattering photo's were then bandied about the media in some sort of piss taking exercise. These magazine's have got to stop and have a bit of a rethink.

Having been outraged by this weight debacle I then had to read about how Jennifer Aniston's new relationship with Essex boy Paul Sculfor must be a publicity stunt because he was seen leaving her house carrying a Smartwater bottle, the brand that Jennifer Aniston endorses. I am in no way refuting that their relationship could be a publicity stunt - I haven't spoken to either of them so I wouldn't like to comment. However, him leaving with a bottle of water means that he was thirsty and Jennifer has a fridge full of water... BECAUSE SHE ENDORSES IT. That is all it is. Stop being so ridiculous.

Oh and while I'm ranting I'd like to give a big shout out to Victoria Beckham who recently said of bloggers "I think these people are pretty spineless, the way they hide behind pseudo-names. They don't really know what's going on in anybody's lives. They're just sad people sat behind their computers." Oh Victoria or should I call you 'Posh' - if you replace computers with the word microphone or famous husband you've pretty much got yourself down to a tee. xx

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Recovery...

I don't know that I've ever been so exhausted after a holiday in my life. Having come back tanned, thin and poor I vowed to spend the rest of the month in a state of nun like abstinence - that lasted a week. Having arrived home for some parental pampering I seem to have put all the weight back on and emptied my bank account. I can justify the mass DVD buying that went on, after all HMV are having a massive and irresistable sale, but it was when I found myself leaving Boots with No 7's limited edition Gorgeous Eye Palette. I'm convinced that I will discover that it's not so limited but it better be after I had to return the first one having got home, opened it and found it completely disintergrated. I also picked up some Protect and Perfect Serum by No 7 for Mumma B. This has been selling out all over the UK - you literally could not get your hands on it for love nor money for the first couple of months of its release. I'll let you know whether she notices any effects.

My major concern since getting back however, has been the maintenance of my tan. I have never been this colour before and I have become obsessed with keeping it. I've been basting myself in after sun (the Nivea Sun tan prolonging after sun seems to be working although have started to notice orange bits so I'm not sure how long I can keep using it). My sister has just produced Body Spa's Malama Intense Moisture Body Butter which smells amazing and feels really smooth. Where did she find this sweet smelling wonder? Tesco's. Who'd have thought it. It's available here and is a real bargin at around £4.99. Go and get some it will be worth it and its perfect for keeping post-holiday skin mosturised.

All my pre-holiday purchases were great. I'm really loving Eye-Con and the Gilded pencil is really great for a subtle bit of glamour - was a definate bonus when glitzing up for the clubs. Something which is not worth its £16.50 price tag is Benefit's Rush Hour. The colour is slightly too dark even for a lipstick but for a product that is supposed to be used on cheeks as well it just doesn't work. I bought it at the airport and when I arrived in Ibiza it had spread on the inside of the lid and looked a bit sad. It would have been much better if one end had been for lips and one for cheeks and/or eyes. The packaging as always is beautiful but for once I just don't think this Benefit product cuts the mustard which was especially annoying as it would have been perfect for those post-clubbing 11am-with-no-sleep moments. Luckily I also managed to purchase some more Bad Gal Lash Mascara which is an essential item in any girls make-up stash.

So what has been my recovery plan (apart from spending money I don't have on even more products?). I've been trying to ignore my morning craving to eat everything bad for me (ideally i'd have a toasted bagel with cream cheese pastrami and pickle every morning) by just sticking to a bowl of bran flakes. For lunch I've been making myself a salad of tomato, cucumber, feta and tuna (sounds bizarre I know but is really yummy). I've also been trying to avoid carbs after 6 and drinking booze during the week which is, rather worringly, easier said than done. It is working but it is incredibly hard not to fall off the wagon. I've been keeping up the walking and am hoping that when the new salary has had a chance to kick in I'll be able to take up a dance class or something. One of the hardest things to do has been to give up the full fat Coke. Having accidentally lost weight in Ibiza having tried and failed to lose it before leaving I'm now determinded to maintain my optimum weight and my coke substitues of water and green tea just don't have the same sugary satisfaction. One bonus of the new health drive is I have finally learnt to love Cranberry juice. I can't get enough of the stuff and it will hopefully help me avoid the incredible discomfort and embarrassment of certain infections with which cranberry's have now become associated with.

So I did manage to return from holiday tanned and thin... I did however get my fill and more of funky house music. This has manifested itself in my almost permant singing of Dr Feelgood by Motley Crue and other such anti-social metal tunes. I think my new boss may wonder what he has employed. Speaking of which I am now bound to return to London to get back to the grind stone tomorrow I'm going to spend my week discovering some feel good cheer up treats to boost us through this foul weather, if you are anything like me you will need all the help you can get. Two hours on a horse this morning and I'm still looking like a drowned rat!! xxx

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The Return of the Space Cadet

I'm back I'm back - and yes I know I've been exceedingly slack on posting but I seem to have left most of my brain in Ibiza and have spent the week basting myself in after sun whilst trying to remember what job I do, what side of the road I drive on and where anything north of King's Cross is. I was going to sit down and get writing last night after dropping Mr D of in Caledonian road (he's going on tour and I couldn't bare the thought of him navigating the tubes with bag and drums in rush hour). However, on arrival at my front door I realise Miss B and Mr D outside, keys inside. We eventually got in but only after having climbed onto our roof terrace and sat on the doorstep for an hour. I eventually got home at midnight and thought I just couldn't do the holiday justice at that hour so please be patient and I will get on it this weekend. xxx

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Lets Fly Away

Right two days to take off the hair is done, the waxing is imminent and I think I’ve finally cracked the product shopping. As usual I seem to have used this as an excuse to spend all my money on products… well they are necessities. But this time I did try and be practical and restrain myself a little. Which I managed… until a mopey morning found me spending £50 at Benefit (via the Boots website so it totally felt like ‘magic-not-there-internet-money’). I always leave the packing of my washbag til almost last so that everything has minimum time to leak and you don’t have to get anything out to use (I’m terrified of forgetting stuff it drives me mad). I’m not going to go through most of the essentials – toothbrush, toothpaste, nail files, hair ties, deodorant, Nivea soft, the usual face routine stuff. I’m taking my Clinique 15 Minute Turn Around Facial just to keep my skin in condition if necessary and I always try and take some foot cream. If you are lounging by the pool all day it’s the perfect time to give your feet some smoothing time off.

So what have I purchased? I think After Sun is really important – get stuck with the wrong one and you can be in severe discomfort. Boots were doing 2 for 1 so as I like to get two different factor sun creams so I thought I’d go for two different After Suns. In my mind if you mess about trying to fancy-up your After Sun when you really need it it’s just not as good as the pure basic one. So I thought I’d experiment. I’ve got Nivea Sun Tan Prolonging After Sun Lotion it contains Vitamin E which is known to be soothing but also contains a hint of self tan – will the self tan work or will it just detract from the soothing quality of the cream? Just in case it’s the latter I also thought I’d try Ambre Solaire’s Moisturising After Sun Spray which I think will do exactly what it says on the bottle. So as the other halve of my 2 for 1 I got two Ambre Solaire Clear Protect sun cream in SPF 10 and 20. I get so worried about getting a sunburnt face that I also snapped up a 2 for 1 Soltan Face Factor 15 which is £7.49 which is a little pricey for the handbag size bottle – but it is incredibly useful, you don’t want to be caught out and about in the sun with nothing to protect your face.

What couldn’t I resist from Benefit? I have the worst dark circles under my eyes – I carry It Stick in my make-up bag but in the mornings I swear by Boi-oing. I have been running out for ages but there’s no way I wanted to go on holiday with my full war paint to hand (maybe that’s just me…). It’s £15.50 but if you use it sensibly it last for ages and I mean ages. I also got suckered into buying more eye cream. I don’t know how many I’ve tried and they never work hugely well but I do trust Benefit and the packaging for Eyecon was just too enticing for a mopey Miss B to resist. Its £21.50 for quite a small pot which I have to say made me wince but Benefit believe that it “won’t break the bank” so it better work. It does feel great – if I could find my camera then I would do a before and after series of photos but you are just going to have to take my word for it… when it comes. My final purchase was a little extravagant maybe. Well by extravagant I mean I just can’t think of a way to pass it off as a necessity! But I just couldn’t stop myself – Gilded is a ‘tequila gold’ highlighting pencil its £12.50 and can be used on the eyes, check and brow bones and even over lipstick to add a bit of gold glamour. I can’t wait to try it (I’ve been saving it).

As an added extra Little Miss F returned from Paris with smelly cheeses and salami but also a fantastic Eyelighter by Cargo Cosmetics. One end has shimmery white powder to lighten the inner eye and the other end is matte to go at the outer corner to lift the eye. It will be perfect for nights on the town in Ibiza. I tried some of the inner eye sparkle this morning and it is great. The final extravagance was more Coco by Chanel – I cannot go anywhere without scent I find it comforting away from home. My travel shampoo of choice is Pantene Full & Thick Shampoo and Conditioner. The small bottles are perfect for a week away. I’m also trying out L’Oreal Expert Silver shampoo especially designed to keep white blonde from fading and going yellow. It’s purple so a bit scary to use first time but I’ve heard really good things about it and it came highly recommended by my hairdresser. It seems impossible to track down on the internet but I managed to get mine from Toni & Guy Essensuals in Hammersmith. I always make sure that I take some kind of mint (in this case Smints), wet wipes and Neurofen. I know it sounds like I’m going on a far more adventurous holiday than a week in Ibiza but to be honest I usually try and have those in my bag all the time. I’ve also packed a small pot of marmite… I crave it in the mornings when I have no way of having it.

So apart from the dreaded hair removal, finding my passport and camera and trying to get to the airport on time I think I’m about ready to go. At the moment I have more books packed than clothes and I can’t decide which shoes to take… I can see that no matter how prepared I am on the product side I’m not sure that I’m going to be able to manage the clothes packing until Friday afternoon. This would have been fine had we been flying out when Mr J told me we were. 9.00 on a Saturday morning… apparently I was supposed to know that in real speak that means 10.00 on Friday evening. I wish that I could keep you posted on the Ibiza fun but I will just have to update you on my return. xx

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