Holiday Preparations...

I’ve been ordered to cut down on my writing due to the ever present ‘work related upper limb disorder’, which is what they are now calling the ole’ RSI. I got asked a couple of times whether I really needed to do my writing. The answer was yes but I may have to slow down a little. Not necessarily in immediate preservation of my upper limbs but also due to the new voice activated software I am supposed to purchase which takes quite a while to train. I’m not sure whether this software is going to help of hinder the blog, however. I talk nineteen to the dozen most of the time so the posts may just end up getting unbearably long. Do let me know and I’ll try and keep a lid on it.

I’ve been a bit behind on keeping you up to date on the world of the celebrities recently. I’m blaming the imminent latest series of Big Brother which is due to start next week. It's made me want to become a recluse. The words flogging, dead and horse spring to mind - further proof that Channel 4 really do know how to take something too far, and then beyond. The mention of BB makes me want to switch off my tele, turn away from the papers and disconnect the internet. I don’t care. I really don’t. There are people starving in the world that’s where the money should be going. Not on try hard wannabe’s who prostitute themselves as pawns in some larger Orwellian scheme. I think it attracts fame seekers of the most talentless kind and I have no interest in supporting it. So what is preventing me from taking the aforementioned drastic measures? The third series of Grey’s Anatomy started on Thursday and it was the closest I’ve come to hyperventilating for a long time. I advise anyone who hasn’t seen it to get to the video shop and pick up the first two series. The perfect (and only) antidote to the BB madness that is about to engulf this poor country.

So that rant over what else has been going on. Paris is off to prison and too bloody right. I don’t know why anyone thinks that she should be let off. On the contrary if they are worried about her safety I’m sure solitary confinement would do the trick. I do not see why anyone should pity someone who broke the law repeatedly and is now sad about the consequences. My heart bleeds. It must suck being an heiress and still having to abide by laws – especially ones that may prevent you from killing someone whilst behind the wheel of a ton of metal. But whilst Paris has been trying to get out of her own mistakes (writing a letter to Arnie about how tough jail will be will not work – Arnie would rule that jail) Britney seems to be on the way to repairing some of hers. She has lost the weight and the pasty wiped out look and is back in the dance studio looking refreshed and toned. I only wish that she would spend more time with her kids but the last photo’s I saw they were both present so things really seem to be on the up. I only wish that I could tone up in time for Ibiza in a couple of weeks. It’s not looking promising though. I haven’t been strictly dieting but I have been not drinking too much booze (definitely none during the week), eating cereal for breakfast and no carbs after 4. I have to say I do feel better I’ve just got to start on the toning exercises and fast. It’s not good being a fashion and beauty writer on holiday with girls shaped like Barbie. The pressure is on.

Another part of the preparation is also completely exterior. The weekend before we go I will be getting my hair down and my eyebrows and the dreaded bikini line waxed. Would get the armpits done too but that really is a step too far for me. I’ve done it once before – I’m just too chicken to do it ever again. I also can’t do my legs. Having naturally dark hair and with the sporadic heat waves at the moment I cannot risk the need to hop into a skirt with legs like George Clooney’s. It’s just not going to happen. Little Miss F tried to epilate my legs but as she approached I ran off screaming and locked myself away. Much to her amusement. I’m going to go to the Büty Salon for the waxing. They did a great job with my brows last time so I’ve got my fingers crossed that they’ll be just as good on the more delicate areas! Getting my hair done is another nightmare. My hair has two looks – huge and frizzy (earning me the nick names Bon Jovi, Rod Steward, Dave Lee Roth, Duff McKagen to name but a few) or stuck to my head lifeless flat. Hairdressers seem only capable of achieving the later. I would like to say its not their fault but having told them I want big hair before they even start I’m always amazed by the amount of gunk they apply before using a heavy brush to really jam my hair down whilst they blow dry it. I also ask for the same colour every time and every time they ignore me. However, I’ve been mentally preparing myself for a while now and this time I’m going to be firm… or at least I hope so.

Another problem is the pasty legs. I’m using Garnier Summer Skin but to no avail. Photographers could still use my body as a reflector board. I’ve also been frantically buffering my dry skin bumps but with the new job I feel like I’ve barely had time to wash my hair. I’ve also got to start thinking about what make-up I can take that is not going to fall down my face at the first sight of the Spanish sun. Oh for the Elizabeth Arden Eye-fix now!! You never know, on my pre-holiday Boots trip (always a must) I might find it becomes a necessity. I think I’m going to have to re-read Love Is Not Enough before I go anywhere though – why do holidays make you feel like you have all the money in the world?

So I’m off to think about holiday make-up and products. Please get in touch if you have any ideas or recommendations. I’m going to need all the help I can get xx