Pasture's New

Hurrah. Finally have spangly new job so will finally be doing something new for 8 hours a day! The new job is a little more country orientated so I will probably have to start discussing what make-up is best worn to a shoot lunch or what mascara is going to hold up after four hours sitting next to a river in the rain. However, before then I get to go and buy a new wardrobe, obviously, and having spent some time over recent months trying and failing to track down beautiful skirts today I managed to pick up three!

I have to say that I had rather lost my faith in Monsoon. You occasionally get a cracker but usually only after sifting through a lot of pricey rather mumsy wedding outfits. But now is the time to go. They have so many skirts that I literally had to make my choice and then blinker myself in the queue for the till. Still a few more bits to get - a nice summer coat for a start as the old leather jacket can look a little quaint over a sun dress and has made me feel not unlike Stevie Nicks going for job interviews. But where? any suggestions would be much appreciated. I also need a new handbag but I seem to start at Chanel and work my way up. Unless you can weave a great bag out of longing I think I need to set my sights a little lower.

I do, however, worry that they are not quite ready for the Miss B make-up. I think coming from a background in military history I may sometimes take the idea of 'war paint' a little too far but thats what you need when entering into the unknown. I am also a firm believer in going in as yourself - one of the benefits of this is that you don't come home a complete bitch and swearing like a sailor from being nice all day. Not that we Misses aren't heavenly all the time!

So, the purchase of skirts may seem like a good idea but with the early onset of summer my legs have look like they belong to Caspar and with the temperature soaring you really cannot rely on wearing tights. Now I don't know about you but for me finding the right fake tan is a harrowing and often embarrassing ordeal. However, as always Mumma B had the solution ready and waiting this morning.

The important thing about fake tan is making sure your legs are ready for it. If you apply to unprepared legs there is no way that it is going to look any good and not transfer on to all that touches you. So ladies do what you have to do for hair removal I shave (too chicken, too poor and too dark to wait for waxing) Miss F however, doesn't even need to possess a razor - each to their own. There are also lots of self tan preparations you can use. The Sanctuary a pre-tan exfoliator which although I haven't tried (yet) I'm told is really worth its teeny £4.25. Failing a specific pre-tan product you must moiturise, we all know that you should always moisturise after shaving but many neglect to moisturise right before you put on the fake tan. Just a nice light moisturiser is fine - I love Nivea it's not too pricy, it comes in big pots and really keep your skin smooth. But what fake tan?

When Johnsons holiday skin came out I ran to Boots faster than I think I've ever moved before. However, my skin is quite sensitive and I had to stop using it. My pasty legs were not only exactly the same colour as before just smelling a bit weird, but inbetween my fingers had gone orange. Not a success. Next was Dove's Summer Glow. This smells a little less like baby vomit but again apart from my fingers there was not a lot of change. Finally I went for Garnier's Summer Body. This smells soooo good but thats about it. I don't know maybe my skin is just too glaringly white for these to have an impact, maybe you are supposed to apply five times a day for five months. Either way I don't have the time, the patience or enough excuses for the suspicious stains on my hands.

So onto the real deal. I have never trusted anything other than instant tan. I have heard great things about gradual/progressive tans I just know that if I were to use one (and probably as karmic result of this blog) I would end up looking like Ross in that tan disaster friends episode we all know (yes you do). So, for me, instant tan is the way forward, although you can make it uneven and streaky you are not going to get oranger and oranger whilst at a party with no hope of stopping the process. Another reason why moisutriser is key for instant tan is because it helps prevent streaking and I find makes me more confident with the tan application - you've just applied the moisturiser so you apply the tan in the same way. St Tropez is good but this can go quite dark as can Piz Brun - these are serious self tans. But if they are applied properly these really are worth their quite expensive price tags.

There is not a lot I can tell you without having you all round for a good look at your skin tones and question about which kind of finish you prefer (minds out of gutter please). You really do have to try these on the back of your hand in a good light to really know which is the best for you. However, I will definately recommend Rimmel's Sun Shimmer Instant Tan. It comes with either a shimmer or a matte finish I decided to live dangerously and go for the shimmer. And as usual Mumma B was right - it's my favourite! Rather than making you look like you've basted yourself in goop and then rolled around on a kiddies craft table the shimmer actually really helps the post-Christmas pasty pins, giving them a bit of glow which lets face it, they need having been got out so early in the year!

So go forth Misses and get testing. Help is at hand but it's vital to get it right. No one wants to look like Jodie Marsh on a bad day (...or maybe even on a good day) and it's just too hot for tights! And remember no matter what you say about fake tan being 'cheap' or 'chavy' it's the safest way to make your legs stop looking like beacons! xx